Who’s The Idiot in the Rearview Mirror?

Oh, wait, that would be me.

The more we know about ourselves and who God made us to be, the more effective we will be in fulfilling our call and becoming saints. St. Teresa of Avila was a big proponent of striving to make progress in this area. In Interior Castle, she wrote, “Self-knowledge is so important that, even if you were raised right up to the heavens, I should like you never to relax your cultivation of it.”

One way I cultivate self-knowledge is through a process I call “reverse journaling.” It starts by re-reading a selection of old journals. (The older the better.) Then I write down passages from my past self that strike me. I don’t add anything; I just transcribe the key phrases word-for-word, as if cementing their importance in the new journal and in my mind. It’s often quite humbling, which is kind of the point.

One of the things I’ve struggled with over the years is financial anxiety. Mindfulness of one’s finances is wise and prudent, but I go a little overboard at times. It can hold me back from taking necessary, calculated risks and undermine my faith in God. 

As I read about things that worried me in the past, the notion that FEAR really is False Evidence Appearing Real gets reinforced again and again. 

Here is a smattering of overblown, “sound the alarm, the ship is going down” entries from journals past:

On and on it continued; same song, different month. (I especially enjoyed the overly dramatic “Bankruptcy looms on the horizon!”) 

The interesting thing is, two decades later, we’re still here. We’re still plugging away, bearing fruit, and enjoying more blessings than we deserve. Some of the financial crises I wrote about then have been completely forgotten; some “inevitable” disasters never occurred at all. 

The gold that can be mined from this process of reverse-journaling is abundant. First is self-knowledge, a clear appraisal of our weaknesses and the challenges that regularly plague us. Even though it can be disheartening to see how little progress we seem to be making, the point is not to shame ourselves into a pit of despair, but to keep us alert and vigilant. 

This practice also strengthens our faith by reminding us how often God saves the day while giving us glimpses of why His plan is always best. This exercise reminds us that circumstances aren’t really as bad as they may seem and can bolster our faith for future battles.

As you go through life, there is little that will serve you better than slowing down and taking time to review where you’ve been. That’s the best way to figure out where to go next, and the best way to avoid going in circles.

It’s embarrassing to share these passages that make me come across like a Negative Nellie, but these were cherry-picked to serve a particular purpose. I often take solace in moments of growth and flashes of faith, like this note from over twenty years ago:

I highly recommend “reverse journaling.” 

Not only is it an effective way to identify your weak spots, it offers moments of grace for God to show you how far you’ve come.